Well I am reappearing onto the wonderful world of Xanga....for the few still on you will probably die when you get your minny feed and see bigraiderd popp up. Hah...I created this as an excited freshman, wrote in it, pouring out my heart when college was hard, and called it quits when I was too old for it...or so I thought. I have quite an ordeal with change, which is probably why I never actually deleted it. My sister graduates from high school tomorrow, which reminds me of high school, which brings me to this...wierd.

I am getting married in 7 months. I am marrying the greatest man I have ever met. God has blessed me with a life of great men too. I am lucky that I dont look back on horrible relationships or sleeze bag guys, or a dad that didnt show his love for me. No. I have never had that. I thank God for protecting me when I was young to be standing where I am today...with a man I dont deserve.

I think its soo cool to see the journey the Lord has taken me on to get here. God is always preparing us for the next hard bump in our lives, and as I face trials today, its the biggest comfort to see the times that I didnt understand why God would ever allow me endure such pain, he actually had me in mind. My heart has grown and I have become so much stronger than I ever imagined, only through him. I dont think I say that enough either...Anyway life is coming fast, really life, and I think God is calling all women to be bold like ester, strong like Sarah and full of love like Jesus...his son.

So goodbye to xanga...this is really it.

My parting advice....love with all your heart. Love your Lord, and love the people in your life. Dont be afraid to get hurt, because even if you carry the pain with you it grows your heart for the man you will love forever.

Oh life....ughhhh I hate decisions

Its so wierd to me that I am old enough to be deciding what I am going to do with my life...where I will live, how I will get by and who I will get by with. To be so sure of one thing and so uncertain of another blows my mind.

Things that I know:

I want to serve the Lord to the best of my ability- with the talents he has given me

I have so much good in my life that I will hold on to no matter what.

I have so many to love and who love me

That a job wont define me- its how I do it

The things I don't know are too long to put on here, as well as the things I am confused about....every day its a new thing...and I also realized that I am running to much on my own time and what I want...maybe.....I havent given things up to God....Lord I want to surrender everything in YOUR hands

Getting things accomplished isnt nearly as importnant as taking time for love.

Hahaha my last entry on this thing makes me laugh and once again I keep thinking I am finally going to let this thing die and then poof...I am back. Hahaha

Well summer plans are set- I was in Colorado with CrU's greek summit for about three weeks and it was amazing. God taught me more than I could ever imagine. It was a week of fellowship with people I plan on making life long friends, and the Lord stretching my faith humbling me before him. I saw the need for God in my life- which was good because sometimes I get so high on my horse I realize I have lost that understanding...

Now I am working at the church and taking 6 hours this session and than 3 the next session...if I can just get through this...another time of the Lord stretching my faith...THAT is for sure...I am ready for July. I'll have a little more free time and maybe get to spend some more time with friends as I get ready for RUSH in the fall.

Anyway my heart has really been pressed lately about honesty in my relationships with friends..and how authentic i have been or rather how fake I have been with them...i realize that the easy thing for me is to put on this smile that has literally become plastered to my face at times rather than be a little uncomfortable and real. So i realize this idea might offend people but you know sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do....and I feel the Lord calls us to do so- to please him and not man, because if we are pleasing man- we cant be serving Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

With that I read this in Jude today- thanks to Jeff's recommendation and I feel like it should be posted for anyone who might just stumble across this thing one day because its so important to remember:

"But you my dear friends build yourselves up in your most high holy faith and pray in the hoy spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life. Be merciful to those who doubt, snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy- mixed with fear, hating even the clothing stained by corruption." (Jude 20-23)

God's command is pretty cut and dry- no greys here...food for thought

D

Ok so I realize how some people find it quite commical that I am still active on the world of xanga...yes, yes I know its SOO senior year but I dont Im loyal to it for now- every now and then it still entertains me and whether you admit it or not- you know you like occasional updates from me...with that being said

dont you hate how because of things such as facebook, myspace, and this very entity of xanga- there are just certain people who always pop up..and curiousity kills the cat (haha I think its funny I just said that) and you, what I like to cal "creep" on them and before you know it, you just know way to much about them then you need to...that may have been a clue that I need to give such things a break...i dunno we will see.

I had a really good weekend of giving things over to God. It was really cool because they are things I probably care more about than anything ever, and I dont know its just a relief to know that these things that mean so much to me, that I would give anything for- are in our amazing creator's hands- NOT mine. If I can trust anybody with the things closest to my heart I m pretty sure it would be GOD.

Waiting on summer plans still- could be in Dallas all summer doing school or work...or could be in CO for some of it- well see what God is up too!

D